What a day I was so encouraged and hopeful when I woke up.I knew we had lots to do but thought we would give it a try anyway.After the chiropractor to help relieve Bills neck pain we went to the bank. I was not expecting to get such attitude from the customer service worker WOW. Here I was closing out our retirement fund to fill the payroll account on a uncertain future.When she was so openly upset that closing out this account was a difficult process. (like this is what i want to do) .With tears streaming down my face in the car, and a husband sitting beside me who can't see my tears.(Who otherwise would have held me and assured me we will be okay)
I rode away from there with what made my future a little okay gone, I am terrified at times like these ,I whispered to myself just one more thing I have lost .
I wonder how much will i lose ? my best friend and the person who adored me ? I want to scream stop stop stop It is enough .But each day things are slowly stripped away. How much stripping can I take? when will I feel okay again?When will I feel His arms around me? Will I feel his arms around me?This morning I read blessed are the peace makers Jesus is the prince of peace I wonder will there be peace between me and Bill again?Will he trust me again ?when will his anger at the world be gone?
I feel LiKe I lost a beautiful past hard but nice.There is not a now and my future is gone too.
I know when I pray these things will come back into perspective.Because the Lord is faithful and I will trust in Him.
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